Age Appropriate?
Since I got soooo many comments on the new Wedding Wednesday posts (ok, two), I have another query to present to you: how young is too young to be a flower girl?
I honestly thought I had this figured out ages ago, but a long engagement means kids age while waiting for your nuptuals and has me reconsidering my original decision. Here’s the deal:
We have three nieces and one nephew, one of each on my side and two girls on my fiance’s side. When we got engaged, the two youngest were so young, I didn’t have to worry about it. – Heck, the youngest wasn’t even born yet, but I digress. – Anyways, I told the oldest niece and nephew they would be the flower girl and ring bearers and their sisters were too young to fully participate. My oldest niece specifically asked about whether there would be any other flower girls. She beamed with excitement when I told her that her sister was too young to fully participate.
That was nearly three years ago. The middle niece is now 4 years old and will turn 5 three months after we get hitched. She wasn’t even cognizant before, but I fear now there are going to be questions of favoritism. If I hadn’t told the oldest she would be the only, I would just change our plans. But I did and you can’t go back again.
I’ve done a little research and it seems as though most experts recommend not having children younger than five participate in the actual ceremony. It’s advised you get the other child a similar dress so they don’t feel left out, but it seems asking a toddler to take on those kind of responsibilities is not a good idea.
What do you think? Do I stick to my original plan and hope the younger child doesn’t feel slighted? Is this going to scar our relationship forever? Am I making waaaay too much of this because it’s my wedding?
SPF
kcrace says:
February 3rd, 2010
9:08 pm
Depends on the kid, seriously. You are going to read a lot of things about what you should do at your wedding, but seriously – a wedding is all about people. And you know your people. If you think she is mature enough to handle it, go with your gut.
Then there’s the obligation aspect. I struggled with this when I got married, too. We have 3 nieces – 2 of them were in the bridal party as flower girls. The oldest one, who was 13 at the time, I absolutely adore but was unsure about how to include her, so she ended up doing a reading. Maybe you could find another way to have your other nieces involved if you think it’s really going to upset the other one.
But remember – it was 3 years ago. Maybe the oldest niece would be okay with sharing it by now?
Dag, sorry for the long comment. I haven’t even gotten to your dress post yet, and you KNOW I’m gonna have something to say about that!
SPF: I’m not sure. She has had to learn to share a lot with her sister. I’m sure she would do it if asked, but worry that inside, she’ll be heart broken.
Save the Date! | southphillyfashionista.com says:
March 31st, 2010
5:49 pm
[...] In other Wedding Wednesday news, we decided to go ahead and ask both nieces to be our flower girls and see what happens with the younger one. (If you missed it, read the original post “Age Appropriate”.) [...]